Friday, November 18, 2011

Don't Demonize Me for Being a Guy

Anyone who knows me knows a few things.  One, I love Eggs Benedict.  Two, horror isn't something I do, it's something I am.  And number three, I can't stand the subjugation of any people because of race, religion, sexual orientation, or any one of a thousand other stupid "reasons."  Hate, in my opinion, is wrong and a sign of a uneducated, unintelligent mind.  So, before we go any further, let's clear something up:  If you are of a minority, and you dislike the members of the majority simply because they are members of the majority, you, yourself, are guilty of being prejudiced.  Go back and re-read that sentence until it sinks in.  I'll wait.

Back?  See, I can't count the number of times I've heard people say "I can't be racist!  I'm black/hispanic/asian/insertracehere!  It's all you white people that are racist!"  Look at that statement again.  "It's all you white people..."  Uh, yeah.  That is, by definition, a racist statement.  You're welcome.

But the one that pisses me off more than anything else, the one thing that I find more upsetting and more degrading than any other form or prejudice is that which is based on gender.  I will admit I have a certain bias toward women when it comes to the area of sexual relations, but that's as far as it goes.  In the job, on the street, in the gym, it doesn't matter to me if you're female or male.  I don't give a plug-nickle about anything like that.  All I care about is a) are you nice to me; b) can you perform the function for which you were hired; c) do you possibly need my assistance in any way.  That's it folks.  But that's me.

So here's where this is going:  The other day, I overheard someone say "I can't be sexist.  I'm a woman." As if being a woman precluded her from the ignorance involved in hating someone for no good damned reason. Same day, different person:  "That's just like a man."  Same day, different person:  "If they try to fire me, I'll cry sexual discrimination!" (that one from a person truly incompetent at her job, and someone whom I wouldn't cross the street to piss on if she were on fire...)  From another person:  "You couldn't understand.  You're just a man."  That last one cut me pretty deep, so I asked her:  "What?  I'm incapable of understanding the intricacies of human emotion just because I've got balls?  I can't understand what it's like for someone like you to look at someone like me and immediately dislike me on the basis of an extra chromosome, over which I had no control?  I can't understand what it's like for someone to force themselves on another person?  Really?  Is that what you think?  Because, in all honesty, I don't think you're a strong woman.  Not at all.  In fact, I think you give strong women a bad name because you call yourself one, when, in reality, you're just a bitch."  Then I walked away, leaving her slack-jawed and fuming.

Here are a few myths about guys from your good-ole Uncle Scott that I'd like to dispell:

  • We (the men) are not all rapists. 
  • Most of us don't think rape is funny.
  • We get it...Rape is an awful thing, and you don't have to keep throwing it in our faces, even if you were molested/raped because we are not the ones who did it.
  • We do not befriend you just to have sex with you. 
  • If you are attractive, yes, we're going to be attracted to you.  That's what the word means. 
  • Yes, we have a decidedly different sense of humor than MANY of you, but not ALL of you.
  • We don't like killing cockroaches/spiders/unnamable horrors any more than you do.  
  • We are not the big bad that you make us out to be, and we're tired of being portrayed as such. 
Now, here are a few other helpful hints that you might find useful (Warning:  Although most of these seem like common sense to me, they're bound to piss someone off.  If you've got thin skin, grow a sense of humor, a sense of humility, and read a book)
  • You can, in fact, kill that cockroach/spider/unnamable horror yourself.  You are more than a thousand times larger than said bug, and while it may give you a class-A case of the willies, you won't die from it.  Suck it up. 
  • If you wear an outfit to a club/in public/to a mall/to church that is designed to look sexy (i.e. shows cleavage, hugs your butt, exposes the navel, etc) including, but not limited to mini-skirts, bikinis, tights, baby-doll t-shirts, we are going to look.  The clothing is designed to attract the attention of the opposite sex.  For you to put those items on, then complain that men look at you, is stupid.  In fact, any outfit that you purchase because you saw it in a movie/tv-show/magazine ad that you thought looked cute?  IT DOES.  That's the point of it.  
  • If you do not enjoy being treated like less than a human or less than intelligent simply for being a woman, congratulations...We don't like it either.  We're not all knuckle-dragging simians.  Just like not all of you are raving castrating psychopaths.  Whoa, that was an offensive phrase, wasn't it?  Yes, it was.  And you're saying to yourself "I'm not like that!" and getting offended, aren't you?  Congratulations.  Neither are we. 
  • The excuse of "men do it" or "men have done it for years" no longer holds water.  Why?  Because, as your mom undoubtedly pointed out:  "Two wrongs don't make a right."  And because we've had our noses shoved in the proverbial poo for years for such behavior.  We get it.  Those of us who are educated and not complete imbeciles don't do it anymore.  That doesn't mean you get to continue to beat the dead horse into the ground.  
  • You want to be perceived as a strong woman?  Be a strong person.  Strong and bitchy aren't the same thing.
I am tired for being looked down upon for being something over which I had no control.  I'm a guy.  I do like to piddle with my car, but then, so do lots of my female friends.  I like hockey.  I like beer.  Those things are not a product of my gender or genetic code, but of a personal choice. Treat other people the way you would like to be treated.  Look at the central theme in most any system of belief and you'll see they all say basically the same thing.  Treat other people the way you would like to be treated.  I, for one, do not treat women as objects, as ornaments, or as fragile little things who need a "big strong man" to come and do things for her.  I don't find women who behave in such a way to be attractive, either.  Sure, I'll hold the door for you.  And for the man that walks in behind you.  Why?  Because it's a nice thing to do, not because my gonads dictate that I should.  I'll help you move that desk.  No, not because you're a woman, but because you're five-foot-two, weigh a buck-10, and lifting it would seriously hurt you, whereas I spend every Wednesday night proving the theory that I can throw a guy twice my weight across the room.  It has nothing to do with boobs, I swear.  Either that, or kill your own damned spiders. 

Just my unsolicited $.02...

5 comments:

  1. "we are not the ones who did it." This is how I feel when people continually talk about slavery, mistreatment of native Americans, oppression of women, etc.

    I DIDN'T PERSONALLY DO THOSE THINGS!

    One of my professors goes on and on about the white man's cruelty to Hispanics. I, and I honestly believe the majority of white folks, don't measure everything they experience in life by race and gender. We just don't think about it any more. Now, people who abuse the English language is another matter. Is it too late to bring back public floggings?

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  2. I almost totally agree. But if a spider comes in my house, I have a husband and two sons that had better take care of it so I can stop hyperventilating and get down off the table. :)

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  3. YES!!!! Thanks for the rant, Scott. I completely agree.

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  4. "If you are attractive, yes, we're going to be attracted to you. That's what the word means."

    LOVE IT! :)

    "The clothing is designed to attract the attention of the opposite sex..."

    NAY! Sometimes it is designed to attract people of the same sex. Gender of the attractee doesn't matter.

    "You want to be perceived as a strong woman? Be a strong person. Strong and bitchy aren't the same thing."

    NICELY said. :)

    "Either that, or kill your own damned spiders."

    NEITHER. :) I 'escort' my own spiders out or if they are really large I ask my husband to escort them...not because he's a guy but because he's not afraid of spiders.

    GREAT rant, and as a woman who grew up in a predominantly male system (U.S. Navy) I completely understand.

    ~Cin

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