Update on Tabby - March 20, 2013

This is a difficult entry to post.  So much has happened since the last update, and much of it within the last 24 hours.  I'm not sure where to begin, but I suppose it should be with Tabby, and an explanation of the image to the left.

We saw Tabby's doctor yesterday to get the results of the CT scan she had on Monday.  The results were that the cancer has grown.  The new treatment did nothing.  Tabby's mother was with us when we heard the news.

The doctor told us it was time to consider hospice care.  For those who don't know, hospice is either a nursing home or in-home care for the terminally ill.  The purpose is to treat the symptoms that come along with dying to make the patient as comfortable as possible until the inevitable happens. What we've known all along just hit us like the proverbial ton of bricks.  There will be no more chemotherapy.  There is no more chance of survival.

I cannot begin to relate to you what it is like, the terrible knowledge that I'm going to lose the other half of my soul.  I cannot begin to fathom the deep ache that Ruth, Tabby's mother, is feeling at the impending loss of a child.  I can't even begin to imagine what is coming for our children at the loss of their mother at such a young age.

Out of this, came a small moment of happiness.  Because of Tabby's condition, she can't actually work. She's been out of work for a year, which means we halved our income and (due to medical bills) we doubled our output.  The point of this isn't to complain, so bear with me.  The home we're living in now, well, to borrow a political phrase, the rent's too damned high.  We can't really afford to live there anymore.  So yesterday, while I was out getting another round of medication for Tabby from our local supermarket, I took a detour through a neighborhood near Plum Creek.  I don't know why I did, other than I kept wondering what was back there, so today my curious nature got the best of me.  As I drove around the tiny subdivision (seriously, there are a total of four streets), I found a house, just one, that was for sale.  A one-story house (Tabby can no longer climb stairs very well...) with a larger square footage than the one we're currently in.  I called the relator and made an offer.  The owner accepted, with VERY little down and payments nearly $200 lower than what I'm paying now.  The house has a beautiful tree in the back yard under which Tabby can sit, and she loves the house.  To make a long story short, if I can get the financing together (I think I can), we're moving.  Tabby won't be doing any of the lifting or anything... That'll be me and whomever I can bribe with beer and pizza.  But the house will be a quiet, serene place for her.  That's the point.  That's what has to happen.  My youngest will stay at her same school, see her friends, and is generally thrilled.  The house is what we've been hoping for.

I am, beyond a doubt, devastated.  Tabby is heart-broken.  I don't know how long I have left with her, but we intend to make the best of it.

Love to all of you.

SAJ