- "...he thought to himself" - Well, yeah. Of course he thought it to himself. Who else would he be thinking to? Unless he's psychic or has a wireless e-mail system tucked into his noggin, then, if he thought, he did it to himself. In fact, the whole phrase "he thought" isn't really necessary in nine out of ten times it's used. If you're writing in, lets say, third person limited, you're in the character's head. Therefore, the narrative is from his perspective. Therefore, what the narrative tells us, we see as fact. Instead of "'Sure is dark in here,' he thought," try instead "The room was dark." In one way, we're kept at arms distance, and the other pulls us right into the action. Get it?
- "He could see/smell/feel/taste..." - Same thing here. Keep us in the story. Instead of telling us what the character's senses detect, just show us. "He could smell car exhaust." Or... "The scent of exhaust hung in the air." See? One way, we're told what he smelled. The other way, it's stated as part of what builds the scene and puts us more into that place, more into the story.
- Disembodied Body Parts (DBP) - Having your character's body parts move independently of him is fine, so long as it works within the confines of the story. Otherwise, the arms don't flap themselves, the character flaps his arms. "His feet ran..." No, he ran, unless his feet were somehow removed and then ran off without him. "My wings flapped..." Did they? By themselves? Or did the character flap her wings? Think hard... Yeah...The character flapped her wings.
- Naming Protocol - Quick...Run down the hall and talk to someone. Anyone. As long as you know them (for heaven's sake don't get arrested for bothering some poor stranger...). Now count the number of times you or the other person says each other's name. Chances are, once, or even not at all. So why, then, do we insist on writing the names of our characters in dialogue when it doesn't work for the scene? We're trying to make realistic characters, and realistic characters speak in a realistic fashion. Read your dialogue. If your characters call each other by name every time they see each other, or often in the middle of the conversation, you need to go back over it.
- Inappropriate Dialogue - This is a big problem. I'm not talking about foul language, I'm talking about dialogue that may be inappropriate for a particular age group/educational or social class/etc. Put simply, a Harvard graduate and a high-school drop-out do not speak in the same way. In real life, people speak in accordance to everything from their age, education level, and region to their economic standing, their country of origin, and how they're feeling at the time. If all your characters sound alike, they're either robots (or Daleks) or you're not writing them well.
These are my top five mistakes that noob writers make. They're also some of the top things that raise red flags for agents and editors. Funny how that works, isn't it? Keep this list in mind, maybe not for the first draft (the "just-get-the-damned-thing-written" phase), but for sure in the subsequent phases. "But Uncle Scott," I hear you say. "I've seen lots of books with all that stuff in it, and they got published. What about..?" Fair enough. However, there are a couple of responses to that. First, just because you've seen it doesn't mean it's good. Second, even a blind hog finds a truffle once in a while. Third, and most important, as a writer, it is your job to elevate the art form. Let me repeat that. It is your job to continually try to improve to elevate the artform instead of resting on your laurels of some publishing award you got when you were twelve. If you want to be a pro, act like a pro. Write like a pro. Write with power, write with passion. But also, write intelligently.
Just my unsolicited $.02. Hope it helps someone. In the comment section below, share some of your top writing errors! That should be fun!
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