Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Four Things (Every Guy Should Learn to Do)

I've been married (quite happily, I might add) to my wife for a long time.  We've been together for eighteen years now, and there are just a few things that, through nearly two decades of living with her, I feel every guy should know.  I listen to our single friends and hear what they say they want, so here is the SFW list of things that every guy should learn how to do to get the woman of his dreams.  There is an NSFW list, but this isn't the place for me to put that.  Guys, listen up, because this is pure deep-fried gold here.

  1. Learn how to do your own laundry.  Nothing turns a woman on less than to bring her back to your apartment (which smells of feet and armpits) to find piles of unwashed skivvies laying about.  And for you Cro-Magnon types who think that she'll do the laundry after you've landed her, I've got one word.  Evolve.  They're your sweaty drawers...You wash 'em.
  2. Learn how to cook.  You want romance?  Don't take her out for dinner, bring her back for a candle-lit dinner in your apartment.  Especially one you cooked.  Women (actually, people in general) like the feeling that they're special, that you're interested in making them feel good.  Put some effort into it.  And no beans and weenies.  I'm talking about REALLY learning how to cook.  Start with a salad, move on to Rosemary-Red-Wine chicken on a bed of rice pilaf with almonds, go toward desert.  Seriously, learn to fend for yourself in the kitchen.  She's your potential girlfriend, not your mother.  No woman wants to be your slave, and no one wants to hear you tell her to go make you a sandwich.  
  3. Learn to give a good foot massage.  I know what you're thinking.  Ew.  Feet are gross and sweaty. True, but no moreso than any of the other things you hope to do with your lady-friend, so hitch up your big-boy britches and get in there.  I have only ever met one woman in my life who didn't enjoy having her feet massaged.  Moreover, it's a selfless act that says "hey, I care about you."  Plus, think about this:  High-heels are not comfortable.  In fact, most of women's footwear was designed by men, not for comfort, but to make their legs and butt look good.  Women endure this kind of torture for the sake of some unrealistic ideal, and the least we can do for them is to massage the ache out of their feet to let them know that it's appreciated.
  4. Learn to dance.  I'm a big believer in dancing.  Slow dance, jitterbug, waltz, swing, it doesn't matter.  Learn to dance.  There's a whole litany of reasons why, but it boils down to this:  It's romantic.  You're going to have to trust your weird Uncle Scott on this one.  Believe me, suck it up, and just do it.  And (here's a secret that non-dancers don't know), it's fun.  
So that's it.  My hard and fast list of four things that EVERY guy should learn to do.  Whether you're married or single, let your partner know how much you care about them by learning to do these four things.  It makes a big difference.

Got other suggestions?  I'm all ears.  Add 'em in the comments below. 


  1. I'm on the fence about the dancing.... I married my husband and he doesn't dance. However, I am highly appreciative of the fact that my husband washes dishes when I cook. Split the work and she'll feel more like it's a team effort.

  2. I really agree with #2 and obviously I'm a fan of men dancing, though not necessarily the dancing you're talking about. Also, now you can say you know two women who can't stand having their feet touched. But I'm a fruitcake, so... Then again, you read my writing, so you already knew that.

  3. I would like to add that women want a man who can TALK not keep everything in but feel comfortable sharing just about everything if not everything to their partner. I cant stand the "talking about it doesn't make it better" motto or "I'm too manly to express my feelings" crap.

  4. Toetally agree on the foot thing. And the woman who didn't enjoy it just didn't know how to let herself go.